What a night. What a game. There are no words for what happened tonight (well, technically last night - Saturday night - Game 3 - The Ultimate Choke). Well, except maybe these from Maureen in the 6th inning.

"I hate life. I hate everything. I hate oxygen."

There are a million blogs that will break down the massive beating the Sox took tonight. This is not one of them. I will, however, give advice to Yankees fans watching a crucial Sox/Yankees game in a bar in Dallas.

1. The "Who's Your Daddy" chant sounded weird enough at Yankee Stadium. When it's just you and eight friends in the corner of a sports bar in Texas, it sounds ridiculous. You realize you're screaming the word "Daddy" repeatedly, right? I wonder why you're going home alone tonight...

2. If there are two female Yankee fans and two female Sox fans at opposite ends of the bar, and you are deadset on trying to get laid, your best bet is with the Yankee fans. If you attempt to hit on the Sox fans, you deserve any ridicule they heap upon you. If the Sox are losing by 10 runs, and you are still hitting on the Sox fans, you should be neutered. With a butter knife.

3. If you are trying to convince people that you're an actual fan, and your team is up by 10 in what is a must-win game for the enemy, you might want to avoid sitting with your back to the TV. It's a dead giveaway that you are a complete jackass.

4. If you have been an enormous douchebag since the first pitch, and the game is now out of reach, and you offer to buy the Sox fans drinks from across the bar, you should expect any of the following things to happen:

*Sox fans will order $20 glass of scotch...the most expensive item on menu.
*Sox fans will proceed to pour the glass of scotch on the floor, oohing and ahhing as those $20 drops of scotch hit the dirty hardwood floor
*Sox fans will not thank you for said scotch, and will not give you the time of day, except to occassionally look over at you in pity

On second thought, you should expect all of those things to happen. And you will deserve them.