According to my brand spankin' new On This Day In Sports desk calendar, it appears that on January 3rd, 1973, George Steinbrenner purchased the New York Yankees.

I wonder how Georgie is spending his special anniversary...

*cue swirly Mr Rogers Fairy Tale Land music*

6:45am - Alarm clock, set to The Boss' favorite easy listening station, goes off to the opening bars of "Sweet Caroline."

7am - Suddenly haunted by October memories, George purchases his favorite easy listening station, fires the entire staff, and promptly turns it into a New York Sports talk station. In Florida.

8:30am - Lashes out at a housekeeper who questions his wardrobe choice and fires her on the spot. Who says you can't wear white mock turtlenecks in middle of a Florida summer?

9:15pm - Reads Chapter 4 - The Playoffs, in Baseball for Dummies. Disagrees with the premise that any team can win the American League East in any given year and, in disgust, has the author, who is not his employee, fired immediately.

10:03am - Becomes impatient while waiting for his assistants to prepare his special bath of burning sulfur and lavender. Has his assistants beheaded and then fired.

11:25am - Takes away his employees' vision plans. Just for kicks.

12:15pm - Lays down for his post-lunch nap.

12:19pm - Awakens in a cold sweat after dreaming that Dave Roberts was inching off of first...again...

1:30pm - Prank calls David Ortiz's house.

3:45pm - Offers Cesar Crespo $30 million for 3 years after reading on a message board that Crespo was offered a case of pine tar and 2 buckets of baseballs by the Red Sox.

4pm - Calls the Apple Headquarters.

6pm - Always impressed with the shiny new item on the market, George hangs up 2 hours later, having finally obtained an IPOD to play 2nd base.

6:35pm - Inserts a new set of pins into his Jason Giambi voodoo doll.

7:15pm - Has 12 pepperoni pizzas delivered to Johnny Damon's house.

8:45pm - Changes into his fancy black turtleneck and demands his driver to take him to Florida's #1 strip club.

9:10pm - Offers the first bouncer he sees $3 million for a lapdance.

9:12pm - Realizes he has once again misused his money. Blames his drives and fires him on the spot.

9:30pm - Calls ARod for a ride home. Fellow patrons hear Steinbrenner scream into the phone, "If you let Varitek make you his bitch, you're certainly going to let me."

10pm - Arrives home. Climbs into bed with his hot poker.

10:12pm - Falls asleep to thoughts of teddy bears, rainbows, and Derek Jeter in a g-string.