Not long ago, a blog I read posted a link to the Rules of the Man Hug. It's not exactly breaking news that the Boston Red Sox aren't very good at following fashion, grooming, or proper base running rules. Here are a few more they break with alarming and fantastic regularity.
1. Don't hug too long. Men should hug for a maximum of three seconds. The only exception to this is if someone has recently died ... in your arms. A fresh corpse can be hugged long enough to place him gently on the sidewalk.
Oops!
2. Don't nuzzle. Lightly nibbling the other man's neck or earlobe is expressly forbidden, unless you are a cannibal.
Guilty!
And again!
3. Allow large men to crush your ribcage. Fat guys often dole out punishing, vise-like hugs, lifting you from the ground and squeezing you until you fart ... out your ears.
Uh oh!
4. Deliver two pats on the back if things get weird. A hug followed by two pats on the back is a code, representing the two testicles. It says, "I love you, but not in the queer way. I've still got both my yams."
Uh, no pats on the back here!
5. Do not hug another man from behind. The only exception is if you are performing anal sex on him. But even then, you know, it's kind of overly vulnerable.
Check!
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