Simmons has "More Cowbell," McSweeney's has "Recommendations." I've combined the two to bring you "Random Notes and Suggestions That You Probably Don't Care About But That I Will Write About Anyway." Not quite as catchy a title, but I'm practicing writing a column for which I'm being paid by the word.
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"I don't have to play for the Eagles." - Terrell Owens, last week, regarding the current status of his hold out.

TO, you are dead to me. Good riddance. *

(*I withhold the right to change this opinion on the offchance the Owens returns to the Birds and leads them to a second straight Super Bowl. But I'm not holding my breath.)
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Introducing the future most-popular player in Philadelphia sports.



Mike Costanzo, recent Phillies draft pick, was born and raised in Philly. He wore a Phillies jacket home from the hospital the day he was born. As a player, he describes himself as a hustler, a word which will instantly win hearts in Philly.

And then there's this:

"I can't wait to play for the Phillies," Costanzo said. "Hopefully, I'll be signed by tomorrow. I'm not pulling a J.D. Drew. I'm not doing that to this team or this city."

But, wait - I'm not done yet. Mike also sounded off on the subject of Chickie and Pete's, a Philly institution and my personal favorite restraurant in the city:

"Every time I get off the plane from college, I go there," Mike said. "Crab fries and mussels."

Crab fries and mussels!! Crab fries and mussels!!

Now I'm homesick. And hungry.
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What is ten times funnier than the Simpsons ever was? The Family Guy. If you're not watching it every Sunday night, you need to be forced to watch nothing but Chris Berman sportscasts until you come to your senses.
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Sweet Potatoes. They're good for you and they taste like candy. Score!
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Don Cheadle. He's the Mike Sweeney of Hollywood. How did Hotel Rwanda not sweep the Oscars?
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Sarsparilla. On the East Coast, we had Birch Beer. Sarsparilla is the South's version, and is identical except that it's made with sassafrass instead of the bark of a birch tree. Either way, their tastes are nearly identical and should be consumed immediately. Yum.
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Nick Hornby's newest novel, A Long Way Down. Only twenty pages in and I'm hooked. Johnny Depp has already purchased its film rights, which all but guarantees another excellent Hornby book-to-movie. (Yes, I liked both version of Fever Pitch. Shut up about that already.)
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Johnny Damon, Melvin Mora and Derrek Lee. They are currently the only reasons my fantasy baseball team has any points at all. Those boys are en feugo....

unlike Tim Hudson. Huddy, I still love you in the you-can-come-over-anytime way, but you are absolutely destroying my ERA and WHIP. Perhaps it's time for another tattoo to reverse your anti-mojo.
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Speaking of Johnny Damon, remember all of those people who said that his off-season activities were sure to signal a decline in performance this season? They wrote column after column about how his appearances on talk shows, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and the cover of Entertainment would take his focus off the game.

Damon is currently batting .346 (second in the AL) with an OBP of .396, a SLG of .476, and an OPS of .869.

Ahem.
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Dallas Darkroom. They have photography classes for beginners through advanced, and they're not that expensive. I will do this this summer.