Things That Must Stop Immediately Or I Will Peel My Toenails Off With Rusty Pliers
1. Newspapers, blogs, and tabloids must stop using Keith Foulke's last name in witty headlines instead of the word "Fuck." We get it. They sound similar. Now come up with something new.
2. People must stop talking about the Michael Jackson case. You weren't there, you don't know what happened. You don't have to have an opinion on everything, ok? Now shut up and go back to watching American Idol. Speaking of...
3. Reality TV must go the way of the pogo ball, slap bracelets, and crimped hair. Are people really dumb enough to still be watching this crap?
4. Statheads should stop arguing that it is actually a good thing that Mark Bellhorn strikes out so much because hey - a K is better than a GIDP. This is the most moronic reasoning I have ever heard. You sound like assholes. Stop.
5. The winning combination of housewives, cell phones, & SUVs. Attention, ladies: hang up the phone, trade in the Hummer for a Camry, and learn how to drive.
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