I'm about to go America all over somebody's ass.

Monday, August 28, 2006

As the Sox take the field tonight, the team is so obliterated by injury and illness that our DH is Mark Loretta.





At this point, it's laughable. Right?

(1) have done the deed

Monday, August 21, 2006

Will we see the Dodgers continue their win streak? No, but they did win both games we attended, much to the delight of the boyfriend. I might not be a Dodger fan, and I find it to be strangely revolting to cheer for Grady Little, but it's always easy to cheer against Barry Bonds.

Will we break the no-red meat rule for a Dodger Dog? I'll take the fifth.

Will Chris grow a mustache to piss me off? Not yet...

Will there be anything remotely interesting to do in a place called Coos Bay? Actually...no.

Will I manage to sneak away from Chris long enough to watch one of the Sox/Yankees games? Yes. Unfortunately.

Will the Sox return to their earlier season form or will this be the week that they conceed the division? The most emphatic concession in history. Shouldn't the entire franchise be forced to finish out the season in AAA?

Will I ever come out of Powell's Books? I was dragged. It was ugly.

Will I be able to buy a Bill Mueller Dodger t-shirt for a big he's-about-to-retire discount? No. Apparently those shirts have already been shipped to a third world country along with the 2003 Boston Red Sox ALCS Champions t-shirts.

How long can I pretend to be interested in giant trees? However long it takes to drive one mile on US 101.

Will I actually come back to Texas? Begrudgingly. Someone pass the prozac and the sunblock.

All good things must end, so because things like health insurance and paychecks are important, I'm back in the land of strip malls and Aqua Net. We met some amazing people, saw picturesque parts of the county, and drank a ton of fantastic beer. San Francisco was as great as I thought it would be, Eureka (California) is a scary place, Oregon is beautiful, and Portland is my future home. But alas - there's nothing quite like 106 degree weather, a Yankee 5-game sweep of the Sox, and 150 emails in my work inbox to signal the end of vacation.

And so, yes, eventually, I will touch on the dramatic sudden suckitude of the Red Sox, the offseason activities of the Flyers, my daydreams involving Terrell Owens' achilles heel and a wrench, and the plight of the Eagles to find a better receiver than Alligator Arms.

But all of that will have to wait. I've got vacation pictures to look at.

(2) have done the deed

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

When your team is on a bit of a slide and the division lead has vanished, logging on to Cbssportsline.com to check the score of the suddenly oh-so-important game against the Kansas City Royals is a bit depressing. But when you are met with this photo on the front page, along with this fanfuckingtastic article, it makes their current situation a little less bleak.





Also, my common law husband and I are leaving for a 10-day drive up the west coast on Friday morning. The blog will be quiet for a while as the curiousity builds:

Will we see the Dodgers continue their win streak? Will we break the no-red meat rule for a Dodger Dog? Will Chris grow a mustache to piss me off? Will there be anything remotely interesting to do in a place called Coos Bay? Will I manage to sneak away from Chris long enough to watch one of the Sox/Yankees games? Will the Sox return to their earlier season form or will this be the week that they conceed the division? Will I ever come out of Powell's Books? Will I be able to buy a Bill Mueller Dodger t-shirt for a big he's-about-to-retire discount? How long can I pretend to be interested in giant trees? Will I actually come back to Texas?

Stay tuned.

(3) have done the deed

Thursday, August 03, 2006



It happened again last night, but this time it was Mark Loretta catapulting the Red Sox to victory in the ninth inning. All worries about the team's recent performances aside, the last minute comebacks have been a thing of beauty. Still, I can't say I would mind a boring 5-1 victory right about now.

Some quotey goodness from the Globe:


"Well, somebody told me he tackled Youkilis, so I have to check the tape. Big Papi doesn't know what to do on the other end of those things, so he took a shot and he's afraid he's going to get suspended for taking Youkilis down, but, yeah, I don't think he was upset at all." - Mark Loretta on Papi's failure to get to the plate in the ninth inning.

"It's a bold-faced lie to see him listed on the board as 230 pounds. I can tell you he weighs more than that." - Kevin Youkilis after being tackled by Papi in the post-walkoff celebration.

"Papelbon was working me over pretty good there. The only other walkoff I had was a homer, I kept my helmet on, so I was desperately trying to get my helmet off and that's why I was trying to get away because they were trying to keep it on there. But it's a blast. There's nothing like it. It's a euphoric feeling." - Loretta on being clobbered by teammates following the walkoff double.

(2) have done the deed

Tuesday, August 01, 2006



Yep. He did it again. The obvious story this morning is the exciting, albeit predictable, heroics of David Ortiz, who hit yet another walkoff homerun last night to defeat the Cleveland Indians.

But the story which may prove to be more important to the success of the Red Sox this season is that of relief pitcher Kyle Snyder, whom the Sox claimed off waivers from the Kansas City Royals in mid-June. Reminiscent of Tim Wakefield in the 2004 ALCS, Snyder was scheduled to start tonight but volunteered to pitch in long relief after starter David Wells struggled early.

After taking the mound with two outs in the fifth, the former first round pick pitched 4/13 scoreless innings, giving up one hit, walking none, and striking out 6. I know stereotypically they say that chicks dig the long ball, but this? THIS is a sexy line:

4 1/3 IP, 1H, 0R, 0ER, 0BB, 6SO

Thanks to The Most Clutch Hitter In The History Of the Boston Red Sox, Snyder picked up the well-deserved W.

And so, on a day when the Red Sox failed to pick up pitching help before the trade deadline passed, they may have found what they were looking for in their own clubhouse.

(1) have done the deed